Well, it shows that I am becoming totally stupid as the years roll by. Yesterday I went to Ikea. It actually started out with good intentions. I had seen a leather reclining chair in there some time ago which, surprise, surprise, was out of stock. When I looked on their site yesterday morning, it was in stock ... but before driving for an hour and a quarter, I rang them to make sure...yes, it was in stock.
At the same time I decided I would buy my Christmas tree there. Christmas trees in Verbier are so expensive that it is a luxury and so I thought I'd do a little for the Planet and buy mine at Ikea as if you take it back after Christmas, you get a refund and the tree costs you €1.00. Now of course when you think about it, there is absolutely no rhyme nor reason to this. My weedy effort to take back a dead Christmas tree means that I am being totally counter-productive with all the litres of petrol I burn going up and down the motorway - added to which I suppose the shredded trees find themselves recycyled into Ikea furniture which I will then go and buy.
And quite frankly, am I going to fill the back of my car with pine needles that I will continue discovering until next year. And am I honestly going to drive for two and a half hours just to recycle my tree and not go into the store? No, of course not.
Anyway, the quandry was solved for me as they sold all their Christmas trees on the first day! So along with a zillion other people, into Ikea I go. All I wanted was a chair - which really was in stock. But 'just in case' I picked up a yellow bag, and that is fatal. So along with the chair, I come out with a standard lamp, two picture lights, yet another load of Christmas lights, six tumblers, a pack of their three pairs of scissors, a few bits for stocking fillers and a dog bed! And I promise, I am not a compulsive buyer!
They say that every home has at least one thing from Ikea in it - this I well believe. The store was heaving yesterday morning at 1015 and it was a Tuesday - a 'quiet' day! And of course, once I had finished the shopping it was time for a snack - I've decided that I don't like their meatballs any more!
When I got home my daughter arrived, fortunately ... armed with yet another Allan key, we fought for an hour to put the chair together. The chair comes flat packed and one 'just' has to unfold the seat and the back and insert two bolts into the hinge where they meet. Simple, no? NO! It is impossible to do by yourself unless you do bodybuilding, but after an hour of getting hot and sweaty and a copious amount of swearing, we got the bloody thing together. And guess where it was made? Yes, China of course! I will spare you the details of putting the picture lights up...suffice to say the second one is still in the box!
And do you know where "Monsieur Ikea" lives? No, not in China ... Switzerland!
The one positive note on the day - Angus loves his dog bed. It's big enough to hold a couple of labradors and he hasn't yet learnt that you get in it - but as I type he is lying next to it with his head resting on the squidgy surround!
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17 comments:
Actually, I have only recently acquired things from Ikea as it only opened last year here, and the nearest otherwise was in Marseille.
I've become the expert at putting up bookshelves, but the mezzanine bed was a trial even for a the handy guy whose job it was to put it up! It was made badly and so screws and holes didn't go together.
It's my earnest desire that when Messrs.Ikea, MFI etc finally shuffle off their mortal coils, they will find their entrance to Paradise blocked by a large flat pack, labelled "Pearly gates This Way Up, Self-assemble"
They will then spend an appreciable fraction of Eternity trying to put the bloody things together.
They won't know about the privileged side entrance labelled "Long-suffering DIYers only".
Great idea!
Benji aka Colinb promised to stay off blogs where I am present. So as an ethical, biological, sweet smelling, environmentally friendly pesticide I say "you're dead"
If Richard O wishes to confuse me with someone else, that's entirely up to him. God knows he's confused about pretty well everything else. Like the difference between a cartwheel and a waterwheel. Like the fact that the French and Brits were on the same side in two World Wars, a tribute to the Entente Cordiale if ever there was, which he ought perhaps to have considered before engaging in his adolescent sneers.
Ikea bookshelves are pretty unbeatable but a lot of smaller stores here are doing Ikea-style things but in a less-frantic, more customer-friendly environment. Sometimes it even comes assembled!
Yeah, it's amazing how quickly you can go off their meatballs and the Christmas tree thing was never anything but a clever piece of public-relations smoke and mirrors.
My one regret, though? That I don't have shares in the company. I'd use a solid-gold Allan key to misassemble my furniture.
Colinb. The entente cordiale was the biggest disaster in French history. By siding with the Brits they allowed them to needle the Germans and create two World Wars. Learn a bit more about history.
History, like the cartwheel, is whatever Richard of Orléans wants it to be. And his English is sloppy and imprecise, making his meaning unclear. Who are "they" in his second sentence ? And who the hell is ColinB ?
It looks a promising new blog, Louise, but you'll need to get yourself a better class of clientele.
Bye Louise. Been nice meeting you. I may look in again some time.
I have no control over the bloggers on my site, "Benjy" - apart from zapping a low comment.
And "Benjy", don't come out with things like '...and who the hell is ColinB?' You give the game away.
Postscript: and one might equally well ask to whom "them" refers in his second sentence ? God, what a dog's dinner he's made of a 3 sentence comment !
I think if "Benjy" has removed himself, Louise, your clientele just improved. Don't count on it, though -- postscripts and "final farewells" are someone else's stock in trade.
Ah ha, the ultimate. Intellectual snobbery, the teacher knows best.
Go get some help from Myriam.
All these au revoirs no long bring tears to my eyes but make me yawn!
I've just paid my first visit to Richard's blog. I like it; some good, off-the-wall stuff. And there's the egregious Colin Berry popping up to do his patent I've-never-been-so-insulted-and-I'm-never-coming-back (until next time) bit. It persuades me that Richard is right: Colin Berry = Benjy (who is also never coming back until next time) = most, if not all, of the anonymice.
Crikey, an argument in cyberspace here already - and I thought this was neutral Switzerland ...
But to return to Ikea. I read it somewhere, can't remember exactly where, that the business model of the store really views the whole furniture section of the shop (aka Ikea) as just a loss leader for the main money-maker, which is the grotto just before the tills.
That final area is the one you reach with quiet relief after having survived the escalating tension of the sofa, office furniture, kitchen and bedroom departments, followed by the final isolation of the warehouse experience, where you physically have to wrestle the pallets off the shelves.
So now you relax. The ordeal is nearly over. And what's this ? A candle to buy ? You don't need one, but perhaps you could give one away for Christmas. Or even two. And what about those tablemats ? And luridly coloured plastic cups for the kids ? Why not - you're almost home, after all.
That small area is exactly where you spend almost as much money as you did in the rest of the store put together. You spend that money easily, and you do it very quickly. So the theory goes, you see, that this one relatively small and innocuous final part of the store - that is where you dole out all the extra cash which you really didn't mean to spend.
And that is exactly why and where Ikea make all their money. Cunning, heh ?
That doesn't surprise me at all. The other day, apart from the chair I bought, I could have spent as much money near the check-out as I had on my bits and pieces.
As Bill said, shame not have shares in Ikea!
I don't doubt that Roadsofstone is right. If even one out of three customers (and it may well be more) picks up something they hadn't planned to buy in that area, by the end of the week that's a huge sales total. As SH might say, "Mony a mickle mak's a muckle."
It's the same reason computer printers are so cheap. Most of the profits are made from selling you ink on a regular basis. And when I bought a new (to me, anyway; it's second-hand) car earlier this year, the dealer admitted that they'd never survive on what they make selling cars, even new ones. The real money comes from servicing, repairs and extended warranties.
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