PARENTS

Sarah over on her blog (sorry I can't link you to it directly here but you can click on my links at the side) is having problems with her 'Resident Ado' which many of us have either been through, are going through or will go through. My problem at the moment is not with the next generation but the precedent generation...

About three years ago my brother and his family, myself and my family and my Mum thought it would be a good idea to pool our ressources and buy a three generation/three family home. We worried estate agents, we trawled the internet and visited houses until we were so tired we couldn't remember what we had visited. We saw a couple of house that would fit the bill, but somewhere in the back of our minds, I think we knew that once the excitement died down, it might not be such a good idea after all. All the children were over the moon with the idea and wanted us to buy every house that had a swimming pool! Long story short, we all managed to find something wrong with the houses that were on the possible list, and gradually the idea fizzled out.

My Mum who is 78, has lived alone now for the last ten years since her companion died. She is in good health apart from glaucoma which has suddenly hit her, and has only recently been diagnosed. She lives in a dear little house and has some very good, helpful and charming neighbours. She still drives (too fast), enjoys going out and socialising, so all in all, she has nothing to complain about. Brother number 2 and I joke at times that she will sell the house and move into a home when the cat dies (he is now 13). The sale of the house would allow her to go into a very nice home and leave her income for incidental expenses, so she is in a lucky position.

Two months ago, the elder of my brothers died, which of course was traumatic for all of us, but particularly for Mum, who lost her eldest son. This is not in the order of things and must be the worst thing that can happen in a parents' life. Last week she started making 'noises' about me moving over there - buying a larger house with a granny flat, and of course, there begins my dilemma.

I cannot expect her to come and live in Switzerland - I can't take her away from where she has lived for the last 40 years and she would hate the winter here (even though the winters are far better than in England!). I cannot leave with my son still in school - I had a battle getting him out of the Swiss system and back into the French Baccalaureat, so I cannot expect him at the age of 16 to be dumped into the English system - the only solution there is to send him to the Alliance Française in London, which apparently is terribly 'recherché' now and the waiting list is impossible; he would have priority over the English children as he is French and has been educated in the French system all his life, but even that is no guarantee of a place...

I know that Mum is going through a terrible time at the moment and is desperate for her children; I know that things will start to get a little easier for her and that the loss of my brother will slowly become more bearable, but the problem concerning the rest of her life is not going to go away. She is frightened that she will sooner or later lose her sight and therefore her independence, so it either means a home or her living with either myself or my brother.

Even if she moves into a 5* home, it is a home none the less, and the idea of my mother being treated as a 3 year-old and being totally dependent on 'strangers' seems awful. But can I live with my mother? I know none of you can answer this question but perhaps you have coped with the same kind of problem, or are about to - if so, I would appreciate some feed-back.